I guess I'll start off by explaining the reason for my title. It's pretty much your run of the mill "boy meets girl, they fall in love/get married/start a family, boy cheats on girl and leaves her in the dust" story. BUT, this is not a "please feel sorry for me!" blog. Because instead of letting this whole situation bring me down and shatter my whole world (as, I'll admit, I originally thought it would), I did a lot of soul-searching, praying, and getting to know my inner self and discovered who I really am, who I really want to be, and what I really want out of life.
I learned that I'm a lot tougher than I thought! In fact, I'm kind of badass! One of the things that I learned is that you can never control or truly predict other people. The people you think will be around forever may unexpectedly walk out on you tomorrow. Fine, let them. There's a reason some of the people from your past don't make it to your future. I believe that God gives us the people we need, not necessarily the people that we want, in our lives. People who will teach us different things and help mold us and shape us into the people we're meant to be. When the ones who aren't meant to stick around do go, it just means their part in our story is over. Don't get discouraged and close the book. Turn the page. You never know what lies in the chapters ahead! It's taken me a while to figure that one out. There's the right way, and then there's my way. I think I'm starting to get the hang of it :)
When my ex-husband (who I have since dubbed "Splenda", as he is artificially sweet) did all that he did, I felt so lost. Like, Pamela-Anderson-Playing-Jeopardy lost. All I could focus on were the things that were now gone from my life. My "true love", my house, my vehicle, my sanity, my heart, my trust, my feeling of safety... Blah blah blah, you get the picture. It took time for me to realize that sometimes love just doesn't last. I'm currently strugling with this "Don't ever let anyone sweep you off your feet, because then you're in the prefect position for him to drop you on your butt" mentality. I also realized that I don't want to EVER be in the position where I have to depend on someone again. I want to get through school and have a career. Be able to take care of myself and my son. I want to have my own money, my own vehicle, my own things, etc, so that if (and that's a BIG *if*) I ever find myself married to someone again and going through yet another divorce, I'll be fine because I can take care of myself... And won't be crammed into a little side room living with my dad (or some other random family member) and all of the eleventy-billion other people who live here. Orrr, I'll stay single for the rest of my life and be fine knowing I don't have to have a man to be taken care of. Either way, it's a win-win for me.
The point is that I don't want to be a damsel in distress. I was talking to my dad one day and he was going on and on about he was getting older and didn't want to die without knowing I was going to be taken care of. In that conversation, he mentioned how he was praying for me to find a good man, settle down, and get married again. Daddy had the best of intentions in his heart... He always does! But inside, I recoiled as if I'd been slapped. It was in that moment that I knew I wanted to make it on my own. Having someone in my life would be nice. Nobody wants to be lonely! But, if I do find that 'someone', I want them to be in my life because I WANT them there. Not because I NEED them there. And I hope he would want the same, vise-versa. Dependence does NOT = love. I do NOT want someone to rescue me. I don't want someone who "completes" me. I want someone who compliments my completeness. It was then that I replied, sniffling, to Daddy and said "But, I don't want to be Lois Lane! I want to be Super Woman!" and something in my brain just clicked :)