It's new, I'm new... So, it's not completely perfect yet. I'm getting there :)
Know what I didn't accomplish today? Getting around to filling out that stack of divorce papers for the 3rd (Yes, THIRD!) time... Oy, is this getting old?! Something always keeps happening! Last time, I gave them to X, who was headed up to the courthouse anyway. Annnd, what does he do? He *LOSES* them. Tell me I'm not the only one who doesn't believe that. I'm trying not to be discouraged. But, even superheroes have their off-days. I've gotta make myself sit back down and get those things done (and do everything in my super-powers to get them done right and turned in to the proper people). Because, let's face it: I'm tired of this coming back to haunt me. I'm tired of not truly being able to move on and be free. I've got a life to live and a world to save!
I was texting with one of my childhood best friends today (my lovely Lisa- who has long since moved far away from me *pout*) and she said "Not that I forgot, but that blog reminded me of why we were such great friends growing up and why I was so drawn to you... You truly are an amazing person through and through and it emanates through your words. I feel truly blessed to know you :)" Wow.. Just, wow. That's quite a compliment! It made me feel pretty amazing! I've gotten so much good feedback about this blog... No one could even begin to know just how much that means to me! During the conversation with Lisa, we were doing a bit of catching up. She asked how I was doing, and I told her that I was doing really well, and that I was still fighting my way out of the darkness. I feel like I'm almost completely out of it. I admitted that there were times when I wasn't sure I could. She assured me that it was natural. She said that when times get tough for her, she reminds herself how far she's come and that she's not the only one who depends on her. I'm sure all parents struggling with tough situations can attest to that. I know I can. Just because I've felt like my life was falling apart at times doesn't mean that I can give up, just lay down and let it run me over. Not only is it not good for me personally, but it's also not good for my lil' Side-Kick, He's been through enough... He doesn't need me adding anymore stress to his 3 year old mind.
And while we're on that subject: Let me just stress to you just how important it is for you to not ever give up or lose hope. Even if no one else relies on you. You should matter enough to yourself. You DESERVE to be happy! So many people forget that and just let happiness fall by the wayside. Why do we tend to forget that we're important, too? I lost sight of myself for a while, and it's taken an uphill battle to get me where I am today. And I'm still improving! I'm nowhere near being everything I want to be and doing everything I want to accomplish. But, Lord willing, I still have time.
How did I even make it this far? Soul-searching. Prayer. Lots of Bible reading,lots of reading period. Anything I could get my hands on. It didn't necessarily have to be religious to speak to me. My cousin, Nikki, was so amazing. That woman armed me with so many books that helped me get myself out of my head. One series in particular sticks out in my mind. The Fever series by Karen Marie Moning... If you haven't yet, READ HER! She is seriously amazing. They're fantasy books, but they're a great escape. And she's a smart woman... The wisdom she puts in the words of her characters... WOW! On the Christianity side of things, Joyce Meyer really helped me a whole lot, too. She knows her stuff! "How to Succeed at Being Yourself" and "The Confident Woman" were amazing. I don't even have time to sit here and tell you right now of all of the books I read. And I spent a lot of time talking to inspirational people and being in church and reading inspirational pages. Anything I could think of to do, I did. Everything I read, everything I heard, everything I saw, I just soaked it all up. I kept dozens and dozens of notebooks. Wrote down hundreds of quotes and ideas. Anything I could do to drive out all of the darkness. I'm on the right track! I've got to keep doing it. Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. Never ever look back. You'll trip over what's in front of you.
Stick with me, and I'll do my best to be an inspiration to you. You know, pay it forward to those who did that for me :)