Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Whatever, Know-It-All ;)

"Mr. Know It All 
Well, you think you know it all. 
But, you don't know a thing at all. 
Ain't it somethin', y'all??"

Coincidentally, I hate that song. However, it's been stuck in my head on repeat for the past few days... Ever since I had a little battle with one of the 4 biggest Know-It-All's in my life. Yes, I've counted them! What I don't understand is how someone can pipe up about any and every subject that is mentioned around them, know they are over-exaggerating their actually very limited knowledge, see the dirty looks/rolling eyes, hear the comments, and still not take a stinkin' hint!

You say "insightful". We say "obnoxious". Either way, Know-It-All's aren't cute. Having a comment about everything doesn't make you more interesting. It makes you more annoying. Same with broadcasting all of your knowledge. Even if you are smart, you don't have to throw it in people's faces. It's going to end up costing you more friends than it will end up gaining you more friends. Where is the joy in knowing everything? Half of the fun of life is being surprised! As much as I love (most) of the K-I-A's in my life, I'll admit that they're hanging by threads. However, there is one that I do wish I could get rid of, like, yesterday... But, I'm going to be stuck with him for the next 15 years, at least. Oops, did I just type that out loud? ;)

The cause of K-I-A's can probably be summed up to two reasons: 
  1. The person is insecure and feels that having an answer or a comment for everything will make them feel noticed, smart, and maybe even admired.
  2. The person just likes hearing the sound of their own voice and chooses to annoy the rest of us with that voice and their big, loud opinions. Most likely also used as a ploy to feel better about themselves.

(Guess which option my #1 K-I-A falls under... *snort*)

If you're the first option: Go read the rest of my blog and build up your confidence!! Do anything you can to get your confidence up and soaring, because that's what I think your real issue is. I mean, I'm not a doctor. But, let's face it: I so should've been! lol... I'm kidding. Besides, I already have a busy workload what with being a mommy and a superhero and all ::dusts off cape:: You really do need to know your self-worth. You need to stop trying to impress others. And not only because you're going a little overboard. You have unique gifts, just like everyone else. (Wow... That sounds so oxy-moronic. "Always remember that you're unique... Just like everyone else!") But, it's true! You could be causing others to miss out on your God-Given gifts and talents because you're chasing them all off with your know-it-all attitude! You have so much more to offer. There is so much more to life.

If you're the second option: GET OVER YOURSELF!

Ok, honestly, while my response to Option 2 was serious, it was also meant to be funny. There are a lot of things I can say about Option 2, because I was married to Option 2. I don't even know how to go into all of that tonight. But, let me try. Basically, you don't know everything. There will always be people out there who are smarter, nicer, funnier, and better at certain things than you are. The sooner you accept that, the better off you'll be. This goes back to me saying that you need to embrace your own gifts and talents and stop trying to overcompensate. Trust me: We're getting TIRED of hearing the endless amounts of stuff you think you know! You're making yourself look like a big doofus! You're not the greatest thing since sliced bread. Now, that's not me trying to put anyone down. That's me trying to put people in their places. It's ok to feel good about yourself. That's what I'm trying to promote here. It's not ok when you are continuously trying to shove people into your shadow. Maybe it branches from jealousy? Which is a trait I've never understood. I've said similar things before: Being jealous of someone only robs you of the person you are. None of us are meant to live in shadows. Plants grow better in the light... Why should we be any different?

"Know-It-All" is a very unattractive title to have, no matter your reasons. Listen to what others have to say. We're all created to work together. Who knows what ideas and inspirations you're missing out on because you and your opinions are so loud, you can't hear anyone else. And the thing is that this is a technique people use to IMPRESS others! There are much better ways to get people to like you! Listen. Be encouraging. Be thoughtful. Strive to make people laugh or smile. CONFIDENCE is attractive. CONFIDENCE is sexy. That's one way to win people over. Know who you are. Know where you stand. Know what you want. But, don't push others down to get it! It's not cool to "showboat". It's perfectly ok to not know everything :)

Besides, pretending to know it all only serves to annoy those of us who do. ;)

(^Yep, that's me kidding again!)


“Those who think they know it all have no way of finding out they don't..”
― Leo Buscaglia

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

You Matter!

 I usually try to keep things pretty lighthearted and funny, while also tossing in the inspiration. But tonight, I need to be serious.

A friend of mine has a daughter who attempted suicide earlier today, and is currently in the hospital. Thank God, she's going to be physically fine and should get to go home tonight. But, you can't judge a book by its cover. Just because she may look good on the outside doesn't mean that she's ok on the inside. That's the case with all of us. Our outer appearances often don't reflect our inner feelings. This whole situation brought up a lot of memories. I know so many people who have struggled with depression and thoughts of suicide. I know a few more who have attempted it, and one more who succeeded. It's a very serious subject that many don't take seriously- which is probably because of the people who simply just crave attention, or use it for manipulation purposes. I'm not proud to admit this, but I have struggled with depression myself, and have even attempted to end it all. That was years and years ago, and I now realize that there are other, better ways to handle those feelings. Plus, I pride myself on honesty. I feel like, in order to preach about this subject, I have to make it known that I know where people are coming from and am not speaking passionately on a subject I know nothing about.

There are so many other ways to handle this. Life is a precious gift. You only get one... You need to make it count. Suicide only robs you of everything you could have been, and leaves everyone around you hurt, sad, and confused. Believe it or not, there ARE people who would be very sad to see you go! Besides, its' not like you can just kill yourself on a bad day, then the next day say "Ok, I was just kidding... I take it back now!" I've said this in other entries, but you have to FIGHT for what you want. You should fight for yourself and for your own life. You're worth it! Even if you don't feel like you are. I read before that almost everyone who attempts suicide and fails is extremely grateful for their failed attempts and their second shot at life... Which only makes it even sadder for those who do succeed. My dad has been a police officer for almost 24 years. He always tells me stories about many of the various calls he responds to. I can't tell you how many times he's told me of suicide calls that he's had to go on. And how many times he's described the family and people around. Not only do people who consider and attempt suicide not take into consideration who will be hurt by their actions, they don't take into consideration what their actions will do to the person/people who find them. Suicide isn't pretty. The most recent story that he told me was one of a man who decided he couldn't handle life anymore, and shot himself in the head. There's not really any way to do that in a tidy manner. It was a horrible mess, and his daughter and grandchildren found him. What do you think that did to their minds? Think they have trouble sleeping? Knowing you've lost someone is one kind of pain, seeing it for yourself is entirely different.

Everyone matters. Even you. Especially you. You have no idea what kind of person you can be, or the things you can accomplish in life, if you only believe in yourself and all that you are. You have to know that there is something inside of you that is greater than any obstacle. I've also said before that when one chapter ends in your life, it doesn't mean the book is over. You just simply turn the page. Suicide is like being in the middle of a beautiful novel and ripping out the last half of the book. You and no one else around you will ever discover how that novel ends. You have the power to turn everything around. Sometimes bad things happen. We go through disappointments and other things in life that make us feel as though our hearts have been ripped out. None of us are exempt. That's just the way life is. We all have lessons that we need to learn. Anything that happens to you now, you will use later on. It's not about what happens to you in life, it's how you go on that defines you. You have to go through bad times in order to appreciate the good times. Kahlil Gibran said "Your joy can fill you only as deeply as your sorrow has carved you. If you've never tasted bitterness, sweet is just another pleasant flavor on your tongue" I know I've posted that before, but it's one of my favorite quotes, and it's so true!

If you aren't currently struggling with these thoughts, and never have, know what a blessing that is! You may feel this way one day, or you may know someone who has. Reach out. Let everyone around you know how important they are. Be kind to everyone you meet. Everyone is facing battles that the rest of us have no idea about.

Please send up some prayers for my friend and everything her family is going through. Thank God there wasn't a different outcome!

Be strong now, because things will get better. It might be stormy now, but it can't rain forever!


Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Love & Other Stuff

I have news! I got just the right amount of motivation, tackled the previously-thought-intimidating divorce papers, and finished them! Yaaay! *Happy Dance* I saw the size of the stack, and immediately allowed myself to become daunted. All I could think of was how this stack was a lot bigger than the last ones, and that I was too exhausted and discouraged to fill them out for the 3rd time. Why bother? I mean, they were just going to get messed up/"lost" again, right? It was THAT thinking that could've gotten me in trouble. When I started filling out this current stack, I discovered it was so much larger because papers in the previous stacks had been left out. Papers discussing matters such as custody. Umm... Those matter. Like, A LOT! What if the previous stack hadn't been "lost"? Would I be sitting here childless right now because someone got the best of me? Who knows? The possibilities are endless.

I'm waiting on a phone call to have a couple of questions answered. But, when that's done, I can send them off! It's been two years of worrying about these papers. Two years of redoing them. Two years that my life has been on hold. I can't tell you how nice it's going to be to finally be free! I've been stuck in limbo for far too long. It's affected everything around me, even preventing me from getting a job or a place of my own. I've been terrified, had hopes dashed and dreams smashed. I had my heart shatter. I cried out all of my tears, and then some. My whole world caught fire and burned down to what I thought was nothing. Then, one day, I woke up. Like a phoenix, I rose from the ashes. I received a book by a really amazing Christian author ("Mom Needs Chocolate" by Debra Coty). It opened a door in my soul. I caught a glimmer of hope and I ran with it. I discovered that my world hadn't burned down at all. It was a new beginning. I stepped through a doorway and into another room in my life. Everything happens for a reason. I fully believe that anything bad you experience in life, God will turn into something good. But, you have to trust in HIM. Was going through what I went through any fun? No, not one bit! But, who knows where it's going to lead? Maybe I'll help one person with my story and how I overcame certain obstacles? Maybe I'll help thousands? I had dreams and visions for a life that now doesn't exist. But, I ultimately learned that God's plans will always be better than my dreams. Whatever God wants for me will ALWAYS be INFINITELY better than anything I could come up with on my own. If heartache is what I have to go through to get to this place in life of total Godly awesomeness, BRING IT! I've made it through this. I know now that I can make it through just about anything.

Once I "woke up", it wasn't all "rainbows & butterflies" from there. Believe me. When you want something bad enough, you've got to fight for it. And fight, I did. I still have to. There are times when I feel like a thousand demons are whispering in my ears and breathing fire down my back. Planting seeds of doom and doubt. I mentioned in one of my first entries about all of the prayers, Bible/ devotional/ & book reading I did. You can't possibly imagine. I had endless amounts of notebooks. Every morning, I would grab a spot on the couch and read and take notes all day. I read and soaked up anything and everything I could get my hands on. There were times I got discouraged, I won't lie. Times when I thought about giving up because things weren't happening as fast as I thought they should. Certain prayers weren't answered. But, when we pray, we don't take into consideration just how many things have to fall into place before God can give us what we ask for. For a little while there, I was so focused on the prayers that hadn't been answered. But, I realized that I still have time (Lord willing!) for those prayers to be answered. I looked back and discovered how far I'd actually come. Only someone who has been through a similar situation can truly fathom what I'm talking about. To this day, I can't think too deeply about what happened... I'm afraid that if I do, I'll never stop crying, and be right back to where I started from. I refuse to allow that to happen. And I refuse to allow that person to have that kind of power over me ever again.

Everywhere I look, I see people I love in relationships that aren't good for them. It really makes me sad, because I know that they deserve so much more. They keep going back to these toxic people- Kryptonite- because they're afraid to be alone. I can relate, because I was there once. I did that, too. I wanted to go back to a really horrible situation because I was scared. I was afraid of the unknown. I lacked the confidence in myself to know that I could get through that, as well as any other obstacles that come my way. I didn't think I could live without that person in my life. I refused to let go of what I thought we had. I refused to let go of my family. I held on tightly, but I was the only one. To have a successful relationship, you both have to make an effort. You both have to want it. One person can't control another. One person can't keep a relationship alive. It's a PARTNERSHIP.  And, contrary to popular belief, relationships aren't 50/50. They're 100/100. You both have to give it all you've got. Sometimes, irreparable damages are done. Don't stay in a situation that's only going to hurt you. Don't allow yourself to go through the same situations over and over and over. Break the vicious cycle. Discover who you really are and what you really want out of life, and go after it with everything you have. If you choose to stay in a harmful situation, it won't get any easier, I can promise you. Don't be afraid to break away and strike out on your own. If I can do it, anyone can do it. Believe in yourself and trust that God knows what He is doing. He knows exactly where you are in life. With everything, there is a lesson to be learned.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 says "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

^ THAT is the definition of "love". If it doesn't fit into that category, it's not love. Even if you don't believe in God, you should know that anything mean, spiteful, or hurtful in any way isn't the key to yours or anyone's heart.

Don't settle for less than you deserve... And you deserve the best. Pull your head out of the sand and KNOW YOUR WORTH. No one is worth your tears, if you're not worth their heart. And when you find one who is worth your tears, they won't make you cry.

Food for thought:

--God's love still stands when all else has fallen

--Don't tell God how big your storm is. Tell the storm how big your God is!

--Don't fall for someone, unless they're willing to catch you

--"The soul would have no rainbow if the eyes had no tears" ~Native American Proverb

--Boys will break your heart. Men will give theirs to save yours.

--Be strong now because things will get better. It might be stormy now, but it can't rain forever!

--Before you can see the rainbow, you have to get through the rain!

--Be with someone who knows what they have, when they have you

--Confidence is what makes a girl sexy

--Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain

--With God, all things are possible

--You never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have

--Sometimes you have to forget how you feel, and remember what you deserve

 --Letting go doesn't mean giving up... But rather accepting that there are things that can not be

--No smile is more beautiful than one that has struggled through the tears

--Trust is like a mirror. You can fix it if it's broken... But, you'll always see the crack in its reflection.

--Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside of you that is greater than any obstacle.

--A woman's heart should be so lost in God that a man has to seek Him in order to find her♥

--You have 3 choices in life: You can give up, give in, or give it your all!


--* When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better*

Stay beautiful!!

And, if what I said isn't enough, and you still think you have it rough, remember the next person always has it worse. Just look at what this amazing woman has gone through. And she's still doing work for God. She's still strong, loving, and faithful, when so many others would have given up. She's going through a truly heartbreaking situation. Her baby boy had
Junctional Epidermolysis Bullosa, which is a skin disease that caused his little body to become ridden with blisters anytime anything would so much as rub his skin. Sadly, Tripp joined Jesus in Heaven exactly one month ago today. But his story will live on. He and his mommy are both amazing and inspirational!


Thursday, February 2, 2012

Little Villain

Ok, after the 573rd time of cleaning the living room today, I QUIT!! I absolutely love my son... He's the *best* part of my world. But, today, he's been more of a super-villain than a side-kick! If I didn't know any better, I'd say he was Stewie Griffin in the flesh. He's been sick, so I figured I could stay up a little late last night and it wouldn't be a big deal because he'd sleep in this morning. Perfectly logical, right? Boy, was I wrong. He's been under the weather. He had "lost time" to make up for. He woke up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed... And completely insane. He started off the morning by having me convinced that we'd be beginning our day in the ER. Honestly, how many times does a child have to be told "Quit jumping on the couch, you're going to kill yourself" before they believe you? I'm beginning to think I should invest in the Band-Aid brand. 

 After breakfast, I figured I might be able to take a catnap on the couch for a few minutes while he was watching Bubble Guppies. Guess what? I was wrong about that, too! My eyes had been closed for roughly 10 minutes. In that time frame I must have morphed into a Bounce House. I thought for sure that the walls would be painted with the yogurt I had just eaten.

And speaking of painting walls: He's recently decided that hes going to start peeing while standing. An art form that no male seems to be able to master at any age. At 3 years old, he's already managed to make it look like a truck stop bathroom. And I'm up to my ankles in pee. I may as well pull all of the rubber duckies out of the bathtub and start racing them down the hallway.

Don't get me started on the cracker crumbs all over the coffee table, the couch, and crunched into the carpet! Later, he very sweetly asked if he could "Pwease have some Oreos after dinner"... And I obliged. I was in another room, and he came to tell me he'd spilled his milk. So much for the floor I'd just vacuumed and the table I'd just wiped down! And then there was the fact that he was covered in mushed-up, soppy chocolate cookie. It was on his face, in his hair, even on his back. (how the HECK did it get THERE?!) He looked like a little piglet that had just rolled around in the mud. After I cleaned up all of that, I had to run to the bathroom. And, just as I was sitting down to pee, I slipped... Arms and legs flailing as I tried to summon every ounce of those superpowers and fly away from sure destruction. It must have worked because, thankfully, I caught myself before I could fall into the toilet, most-likely hitting the handle with my elbow on the way down, and being sucked into the pits of hell. What did I slip in? Lightening McQueen shampoo that somebody decided would look much better in a puddle on the floor, rather than safely inside its bottle.

Today as been a crazy, eventful day. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't thrilled that it was almost bedtime! But, that's life. You have to take the crazy days with the good days. He might've given me a run for my money today, but I'm so glad he's mine! I thank God for him every single day. I can't help but think of how boring my life would be without him. And, he's been a saving grace after all I've been through. The situation sucks. It hurts in ways that only someone who's been through a similar situation can truly understand. But, one of the positive things is that it's made us even closer. He really is a sweet kid. Definitely more side-kick than super-villain. He's fiercely protective when he thinks someone's hurt my feelings. I remember when my marriage was coming to an end. He was a year and a half old at the time. And even at that young, he knew something was going on. He absolutely refused to let his father come anywhere near me. He would shove us apart and start crying hysterically if he thought his daddy was too close. And to this day, no one can grab me and jokingly say "This is MY mama!" without getting a full-on war. He's always telling me how much he loves me, that I'm "bootiful", and that he's "gonna keep me safe and 'protek'" me forever. He holds my hand when he sits next to me. In a way, he's more my superhero than I am his. We're a team... And we're completely fine conquering this world on our own, if we have to :) Any boy can make a baby, but it takes a real man to raise a child. Real men don't throw their families away.

If this entry didn't come out quite as "poetic" as some of the others, I apologize. I've been discovered, and all I can see next to me is a bouncing blur that's shouting "PHINEAS AND 'FUHB"!" (<---Sometimes, he thinks he's British), "OOH! LOOK AT THE BOUNCY 'FING'!", and "CAN I 'PWEASE' HAVE A FEW MORE COOKIES?!?!" (To wich the answer is a big, fat NO!")... And it's made it really difficult to concentrate on writing :P

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Dreamin' & Hopin', & Wishin'

I'm just a girl with big dreams & an open heart. I'm just a girl wishing for the world.

I daydream... Like, a lot. I know some people consider it overrated and silly. Maybe even childish. But, I think it's a nice escape. A free vacation, even. You don't have to fantasize about castles in the sky, or finding lamps with genies inside. Fantasizing about your future is just as fun. Everyone's gotta have dreams. Sometimes, I even combine the two and retreat to my castle on cloud 9 while I think about the future and what I want to happen in it.

Sometimes, I wish on stars, birthday candles, and when the clock strikes 11:11. I hope for a Prince Charming and a Happily-Ever-After. As you grow up, you learn that these wishes, and these princes, don't work out exactly how you hope they will, as Disney would have you believe. Life isn't a fairytale. People hurt you, you make mistakes, you say things you can't take back. Your birthday candle goes out. The minutes change on your clock. Prince Charming isn't always that charming. But, I think it's still important to dream, to keep the joy and nostalgia from your childhood alive. Eleanor Roosevelt once said that "The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional... And what's so wrong with keeping some of your childish joys alive in your heart? Dreaming transfers into reality. Edgar Allen Poe said "Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."

In my head, I have all of these hopes, ideas, and dreams. I want to give my son the world. I want to take him places. I want him to know what it means to be a real man. I want us to have our own home. It doesn't have to be huge. I want it to be our safe-haven, full of love and comfort. Bright colors, and happiness. I want to fill it with pretty shiny girly things. I want to write a book. I want to get my artwork out there. I want to help and encourage others, do something bigger than myself- inspire and be inspired. I want to truly live, laugh, and love. I want to travel to even more places than I've already been blessed to visit. I want to see Paris and Rome... And even Stratford-Upon-Avon, and Verona (I love Shakespeare).

I don't know if all of these things will come true... Or any of them, for that matter. But, it doesn't hurt to dream. It doesn't hurt to try. If you never try, the answer will always be "no". If you don't seek, you'll never discover. I'm so thankful that God is a loving God... Sometimes I talk His ear off as I pray for some of these things ;)

Life isn't always going to be rainbows and butterflies. Some dreams won't come true, and that can cause you to trade your tiara in for a cape- or you can do like me and wear both ;) Don't let life get you down. Look forward to the future. Dream for the future. Dream just to dream.

I see myself on top of the world, cape blowing in the wind. I can't afford to keep looking down, because my tiara might fall off!

"A dream is a wish your heart makes..."
~Sleeping Beauty

"And all my days are trances,
And all my nightly dreams
Are where thy grey eye glances,
And where thy footstep gleams--
In what ethereal dances,
By what eternal streams"
~Edgar Allen Poe- To One in Paradise

"You may say I'm a dreamer,
But, I'm not the only one,
I hope someday you'll join us, 
And the world will be as one"
~John Lennon- Imagine

"What I want to do is travel deep and deeper into the dreamlands, to find that place I know is waiting for me there. My home."
~Charles de Lint- The Onion Girl

"Dreams make all men authors."
Edward Counsels- Maxims