Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Love & Other Stuff

I have news! I got just the right amount of motivation, tackled the previously-thought-intimidating divorce papers, and finished them! Yaaay! *Happy Dance* I saw the size of the stack, and immediately allowed myself to become daunted. All I could think of was how this stack was a lot bigger than the last ones, and that I was too exhausted and discouraged to fill them out for the 3rd time. Why bother? I mean, they were just going to get messed up/"lost" again, right? It was THAT thinking that could've gotten me in trouble. When I started filling out this current stack, I discovered it was so much larger because papers in the previous stacks had been left out. Papers discussing matters such as custody. Umm... Those matter. Like, A LOT! What if the previous stack hadn't been "lost"? Would I be sitting here childless right now because someone got the best of me? Who knows? The possibilities are endless.

I'm waiting on a phone call to have a couple of questions answered. But, when that's done, I can send them off! It's been two years of worrying about these papers. Two years of redoing them. Two years that my life has been on hold. I can't tell you how nice it's going to be to finally be free! I've been stuck in limbo for far too long. It's affected everything around me, even preventing me from getting a job or a place of my own. I've been terrified, had hopes dashed and dreams smashed. I had my heart shatter. I cried out all of my tears, and then some. My whole world caught fire and burned down to what I thought was nothing. Then, one day, I woke up. Like a phoenix, I rose from the ashes. I received a book by a really amazing Christian author ("Mom Needs Chocolate" by Debra Coty). It opened a door in my soul. I caught a glimmer of hope and I ran with it. I discovered that my world hadn't burned down at all. It was a new beginning. I stepped through a doorway and into another room in my life. Everything happens for a reason. I fully believe that anything bad you experience in life, God will turn into something good. But, you have to trust in HIM. Was going through what I went through any fun? No, not one bit! But, who knows where it's going to lead? Maybe I'll help one person with my story and how I overcame certain obstacles? Maybe I'll help thousands? I had dreams and visions for a life that now doesn't exist. But, I ultimately learned that God's plans will always be better than my dreams. Whatever God wants for me will ALWAYS be INFINITELY better than anything I could come up with on my own. If heartache is what I have to go through to get to this place in life of total Godly awesomeness, BRING IT! I've made it through this. I know now that I can make it through just about anything.

Once I "woke up", it wasn't all "rainbows & butterflies" from there. Believe me. When you want something bad enough, you've got to fight for it. And fight, I did. I still have to. There are times when I feel like a thousand demons are whispering in my ears and breathing fire down my back. Planting seeds of doom and doubt. I mentioned in one of my first entries about all of the prayers, Bible/ devotional/ & book reading I did. You can't possibly imagine. I had endless amounts of notebooks. Every morning, I would grab a spot on the couch and read and take notes all day. I read and soaked up anything and everything I could get my hands on. There were times I got discouraged, I won't lie. Times when I thought about giving up because things weren't happening as fast as I thought they should. Certain prayers weren't answered. But, when we pray, we don't take into consideration just how many things have to fall into place before God can give us what we ask for. For a little while there, I was so focused on the prayers that hadn't been answered. But, I realized that I still have time (Lord willing!) for those prayers to be answered. I looked back and discovered how far I'd actually come. Only someone who has been through a similar situation can truly fathom what I'm talking about. To this day, I can't think too deeply about what happened... I'm afraid that if I do, I'll never stop crying, and be right back to where I started from. I refuse to allow that to happen. And I refuse to allow that person to have that kind of power over me ever again.

Everywhere I look, I see people I love in relationships that aren't good for them. It really makes me sad, because I know that they deserve so much more. They keep going back to these toxic people- Kryptonite- because they're afraid to be alone. I can relate, because I was there once. I did that, too. I wanted to go back to a really horrible situation because I was scared. I was afraid of the unknown. I lacked the confidence in myself to know that I could get through that, as well as any other obstacles that come my way. I didn't think I could live without that person in my life. I refused to let go of what I thought we had. I refused to let go of my family. I held on tightly, but I was the only one. To have a successful relationship, you both have to make an effort. You both have to want it. One person can't control another. One person can't keep a relationship alive. It's a PARTNERSHIP.  And, contrary to popular belief, relationships aren't 50/50. They're 100/100. You both have to give it all you've got. Sometimes, irreparable damages are done. Don't stay in a situation that's only going to hurt you. Don't allow yourself to go through the same situations over and over and over. Break the vicious cycle. Discover who you really are and what you really want out of life, and go after it with everything you have. If you choose to stay in a harmful situation, it won't get any easier, I can promise you. Don't be afraid to break away and strike out on your own. If I can do it, anyone can do it. Believe in yourself and trust that God knows what He is doing. He knows exactly where you are in life. With everything, there is a lesson to be learned.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 says "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

^ THAT is the definition of "love". If it doesn't fit into that category, it's not love. Even if you don't believe in God, you should know that anything mean, spiteful, or hurtful in any way isn't the key to yours or anyone's heart.

Don't settle for less than you deserve... And you deserve the best. Pull your head out of the sand and KNOW YOUR WORTH. No one is worth your tears, if you're not worth their heart. And when you find one who is worth your tears, they won't make you cry.

Food for thought:

--God's love still stands when all else has fallen

--Don't tell God how big your storm is. Tell the storm how big your God is!

--Don't fall for someone, unless they're willing to catch you

--"The soul would have no rainbow if the eyes had no tears" ~Native American Proverb

--Boys will break your heart. Men will give theirs to save yours.

--Be strong now because things will get better. It might be stormy now, but it can't rain forever!

--Before you can see the rainbow, you have to get through the rain!

--Be with someone who knows what they have, when they have you

--Confidence is what makes a girl sexy

--Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain

--With God, all things are possible

--You never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have

--Sometimes you have to forget how you feel, and remember what you deserve

 --Letting go doesn't mean giving up... But rather accepting that there are things that can not be

--No smile is more beautiful than one that has struggled through the tears

--Trust is like a mirror. You can fix it if it's broken... But, you'll always see the crack in its reflection.

--Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside of you that is greater than any obstacle.

--A woman's heart should be so lost in God that a man has to seek Him in order to find her♥

--You have 3 choices in life: You can give up, give in, or give it your all!


--* When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better*

Stay beautiful!!

And, if what I said isn't enough, and you still think you have it rough, remember the next person always has it worse. Just look at what this amazing woman has gone through. And she's still doing work for God. She's still strong, loving, and faithful, when so many others would have given up. She's going through a truly heartbreaking situation. Her baby boy had
Junctional Epidermolysis Bullosa, which is a skin disease that caused his little body to become ridden with blisters anytime anything would so much as rub his skin. Sadly, Tripp joined Jesus in Heaven exactly one month ago today. But his story will live on. He and his mommy are both amazing and inspirational!



  1. (((((BIG HUGGLES))))) You are an amazing woman :)

    1. (((BIG HUGS BACK))) Thanks so much!! You're pretty amazing yourself, Mister!!