Friday, July 27, 2012

Ditching the Douches- Part 2

I wasn't going to start writing this entry until tomorrow because I've been writing for hours. But, hey, call me "Butter" 'cause I'm on a roll.

If you've read "Ditching the Douches- Part 1" (Found: HERE!), then you know that these particular entries deal mainly with getting the bad (douchy) people out of our lives... And even ways to remedy the situations. I'd also like to think the title is pretty self-explanatory ;)

With everything that's gone on with X and also some things that have happened with certain family members/friends (some things not pertaining to the current issues whatsoever), I'm finding just how hard it can be to know who you can really trust. It's very important to have people in your life that you can count on. If you discover that you can't count on someone, you need to decide what to do with them-- and fast! Everyone makes mistakes- None of us are perfect. It's those douches who are repeat offenders and feel no remorse whatsoever for doing the offending that are the big issue.

After the most recent issues with X and his epic doucheness, I started to feel really overwhelmed by ugliness. It seemed like everywhere I turned, there was gossip and lying and betrayal. I don't mean that to sound like every aspect of my life was a horrible drama/horror-fest, because it wasn't. It isn't. There are some hard times and some crazy people, but there's a whole lot of "good" in my life, too. I started feeling more depressed when I found out that someone who I thought was a really close friend was not only talking about me behind my back to people she knew there were some issues with, but also making stories and incidents into something they totally weren't. She was caught when she was cornered and didn't have a way to back-pedal her way out. I was so bummed because I really thought she was one person I could count on, no matter what. To find that I was wrong was devastating. It only confirmed how much ugliness and deceit were surrounding all of those that I hold close. I decided right then that it had to stop.  I sat down and had a long talk with my dad and his girlfriend of 17 years. The GF (who I'll refer to as "H") and I have had some issues for a long, long time. Some were pretty bad. We sat down together and talked about how all of this junk was getting out of hand, and that without even meaning to, we had, in a sense, become douches, too. Not to everyone. Just to each other. But, douchebaggery is douchebaggery, nonetheless. We had a long talk and aired out a lot of dirty laundry. We were completely honest about a lot of stuff. It wasn't fun, but it had to be done. A lot of our problems with each other came from us never talking things out when we had an issue. Maybe because we didn't want there to be a huge fight? Maybe we were just afraid? Whatever the reason, we caused more problems by not going directly to each other about it. Instead, we would vent to other people. But, there's a fine line between venting and gossip, and I have no doubt that that line was crossed on several occasions. I don't think we even realized we were doing it at the time. But, this whole situation really just made us sit back and take a good, hard look at everything.

In the movie "Mean Girls", Lindsay Lohan's character says "When you get bit by a snake, you are supposed to suck out the poison. Well, that's what I had to do. I had to suck all of the poison out of my life." That's exactly what we're trying to do. Life is too short to live under a toxic raincloud all the time. A lot of us out there talk about wanting better, happier lives. Part of that is realizing where you are wrong, admitting it, and actually changing it. H and I decided that night that we were going to get as much of the poison out of our lives as we possibly could. We made a promise to ourselves and each other that from that night on, we would forget about all of the ugly stuff in the past. We talked about it, we got it out, and now it's gone. From now on, if there is an issue, we're to go directly to each other. In going to each other when a problem arises, it eliminates the "he said/ she said" nonsense. If we're venting to someone (no matter who we're venting to, or what we're venting about), we're going to be VERY careful of that line between venting and gossip. Believe me, it's much thinner and blurrier than you think. It's VERY easy to go overboard, as I've just mentioned. State why you're upset. State facts. If you're upset, be upset. But DON'T get into name-calling, exaggerating, or lying. DON'T get into airing out other dirty laundry you may have on that person just because you're angry with them. THAT is where the line gets crossed. You're better than that. You don't need to go putting anymore ugliness out into your universe.

There's a point in life where you get tired of chasing everyone and trying to fix everything. But, it's not giving up. It's realizing that you don't need certain people or the drama they bring. I believe I've reached that point. You can try talking things out, you can pray for them, you can forgive them and love them from afar. You don't have to keep them in your life, if you think they're only going to create more havoc. You can only do what you can do. No matter what you do to fix yourself, you have absolutely NO control over anyone else or their actions. You can't fix a douchebag. You can't make them un-douchey. Don't worry about them. Don't worry about what they're doing. Don't live in fear of them or cower from them. Stand up for yourself and what you believe in. Be true, be real, be honest. Let people worry about themselves. If they truly want to change, they will when they're ready. If they don't want to change, let them deal with those consequences. What goes around comes around. What people put out into the universe comes back on them. If you do "good", you're going to get "good" back. (Heaven help you if you're putting nothing but "bad" out there.) I'm not saying you won't ever go through hard times, because you will. That's life. None of us are exempt from hardships. It's how you react to them and handle them that defines you. We go through bad things to help us grow as people. I probably couldn't know or write half of the stuff I know and write about without going through the bad stuff I've had to go through first. The secret to life is making stepping stones out of stumbling blocks. Turning our trials into triumphs. Intentionally doing bad things to others only adds to the ugly things being put out into the world. "Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord."- Romans 12:19. Don't focus on the goings-on in someone else's life, waiting on them to get what you think they deserve. In doing so, you lose sight of yourself and what's important to you. If you want more positivity in your life, surround yourself with positive people and lift each other up. Leave no room for negativity. People need to stop trying to pull each other down.

I'm a decent person, but there is always room for improvement. I won't ever be perfect or have life 100% figured out. I just want to use any and all situations in my life to help me grow into the best person that I can be. I hope to inspire others through my trials and errors and my learning from my mistakes and shortcomings... Which will hopefully spare a lot  of you some of the headaches I've received because of my own hardheadedness. Most importantly, I want to instill my knowledge in my son, my lil' side kick. I want to help him grow into the best man he can possibly be. Also most importantly, when I get called to Heaven, I want to hear "Well done, my good and faithful servant!"