I've still been in a weird funk lately. I think it's because things aren't going exactly the way I want them to, and I feel trapped in the monotony. It drives me nuts. What can I say, I'm obsessively opposed to the typical. I needed a CHANGE! This past weekend, my sister-in-law helped me lighten my hair to a much lighter shade of blonde and dyed the underside of my hair burgundy. The same day, I went out and got yet another tattoo. It's one that I've been wanting for a little while. It's from William Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream, and it says "Though she be but little, she is fierce". I love it so much! It's empowering, and I feel like it sums me up, as well as everything I hope to accomplish in my life. As much as I love it, along with my other tattoos and unique attributes, they can cause me some headaches from other people.
The more time I've spent around certain people lately. the more I feel like I'm seen in a different light because of my... um... body modifications. Especially now that I have tattoos that are in places you can't miss... and also now, my hair. A lot of the people who seem to be judging me are, obviously, the total opposite of me. They're straight-laced clones who look the same, dress the same, act the same, drive the same cars, have the same kids, the same husbands, and lead a very vanilla life. (No freaking thank you. Not me, I need some rainbow sprinkles to go with that vanilla!) Most of them don't see anything or anyone unless they're looking down their noses at them. I've even stopped going to certain functions to avoid feeling like I'm the bug under the magnifying glass of certain family members who I feel just want to set me on fire!
There's nothing wrong with having a safer, simpler lifestyle... It just ain't for me. What bothers me is when people have to be snobish about it. So, what? Your clean-cut, sparkling lifestyle means you're somehow better than I am? Sounds pretty boring, if you ask me. If "ordinary" what you're into, that's wonderful. But, you can keep your white picket fences. I've never wanted to be ordinary, because I know I'm anything but. I want to live in color. I don't want to tiptoe through life, only to arrive safely at death. (I wish I could remember who came up with that quote, because it rocks!) I want to experience everything and I want to have fun doing it. If you can't understand that, well then darling, that's YOUR problem. Not mine. Just because I do things differently does NOT mean I'm wrong. Stop judging me and look within yourself. Seems like your comments and stares are really only a reflection of your inner insecurities.
They say I don't dress right, my shirts are too tight. My lips are too pink, I'm covered in ink. I wasn't even trying to make that rhyme... And, yet, here we are. ::snort:: I'm not a neat-freak, so they call me out for being a little messy. I don't parent my child the way they parent theirs... You know, the *right* way. I don't have money, or an outstanding job. I could go an and on about everything I'm doing that just isn't up to par with someone else's idea of who I should be. It used to bother me. I used to try to change. Those changes I was trying to make? Yeah, they just didn't stick. And why is that? BECAUSE THAT'S NOT WHO I WAS CREATED TO BE! I learned to stop caring so much about what others think and to do my thing. I also try to stay away from people who I feel like I have to try to impress. It's not always easy, and sometimes I struggle. But, I'm ultimately starting to love the person I am and am becoming. I'm more honest with myself and with others about everything- especially who I am and am not, and what I do and don't want. I know exactly what I'm looking for in life now, and I'm fighting for it. I love being feisty... It's fabulous!
I think all of us, regardless of lifestyle, should learn to be active in our own lives, not just sitting on the sidelines. So many people don't even participate in their own lives. Where is the fun in that?! You were born to be the STAR, not a supporting role! Don't be afraid to let loose once in a while. But, don't hate what you don't understand. And, like your mama always told you: Don't judge a book by it's cover. My hair, my tattoos, and even sometimes my wardrobe might not be something you "get". I don't care. Maybe my parenting and every single other aspect of my life isn't something you "get", either. Once again, I don't care. It's not your job to like me, it's mine.
Besides, people like me are way more fun to look at naked. ;)
And, let's face it: If people were rain, YOU'D be a drizzle, and I'D be a hurricane <3