Saturday, March 17, 2012

SuperBlonde in Peril

Oh, what a day. I didn't think I was going to make it out alive!

I was sitting here at the computer earlier this afternoon, messing around on Facebook. Minding my own business. When, suddenly, my son walked in, pointed to the floor behind me, and said "Look, Mommy! Lizard!" At first, I didn't think anything of it. I'm thinking it's one of those teeny little green lizards. I turned around and let let out the mother of all bloodcurdling shrieks. For, taking up temporary residency atop Mt. Laundry wasn't just any old lizard. It was a skink. And it came straight from the depths of hell.


Had he been outside, it would have been fine. I can share my outdoors with it's natural inhabitants (USUALLY). But, this thing was invading my personal territory. And, soon after, it invaded my sanity, as well. I sat here squealing like a pig being slaughtered, as this thing slither-crawled (*cringe*) under a pile of miscellaneous objects (since I started taking up space at my dad's house, my room is technically the junk room), and went into hiding. I could feel it's evil little eyes boring into me. I knew he was watching. Waiting. As a lot of unmarried women would do, I immediately called my father to demand immediate rescue. Only, he didn't answer his phone :/ As I've mentioned before, my dad is a police officer. I later found out that he was on a call, and couldn't answer his phone. Ok, so no help there. I decided it was best to attempt to text and call everyone I knew would be within a 10 mile radius. No luck there, either.Then, I decided then that the thing to do would be to call my very-pregnant sister-in-law, who lives an hour and a half away. I knew there was no way on Earth that she could help me. But, in my feeble-minded state, I was thoroughly convinced that hearing her voice could magically protect me.

While on the phone, we hatched this plan that I was going to get my now-empty garbage can (It was originally full. No time to run to the kitchen... So, where do you think the contents ended up?!), sit and wait, and then pounce over the skink- placing the overturned can over him, thus trapping him inside. It all sounded well and good... until he creepy-crawled from his hiding place. I became instantly psychotic, holding the bucket out in front of me- like a lion tamer might hold out a chair to keep the enraged feline at bay. All thoughts of the plan and the bucket-pouncing went right out the window. I started screaming like a banshee for it to "crawl back into the pit of hell where it came from". My sister-in-law was laughing hysterically. My son looked at me like I was a moron. And the skink skittered back into hiding, no doubt mentally sharing one or both of the reactions I got from my sister and son.

At this point, I decided to get off the phone with my S-I-L, and give calling dear ol' Dad another shot. He answered! SCORE!! Voice quivering, I told him that I had just tried to call him and got no answer. But, that there was a skink loose in my bedroom. And that, if he couldn't come, he better send the cavalry- and they better bring guns and Tasers. His reply? "I'm on a medical emergency call. When I'm done here, I'll try to come." In my mind, I'm thinking "MEDICAL EMERGENCY?? What on earth could be a bigger emergency than THIS?!?!" Instead, I said "TRY?? You're gonna have to do a heck of a lot better than TRY!" This is the part where the little devil reared his ugly little head again, which sent me into another bout of screaming my head off. I could tell Daddy wasn't too happy about that. I let him go, so he could get back to his call. And in the meantime, called my S-I-L back. I needed her magical, protecting voice to keep me safe... Or at least provide SOME comfort.

I was going insane on the phone with her, and she was laughing so hard that I thought I would surely send her into labor. "I just don't know what I'm gonna do! I swear, he's sitting there in the dark somewhere gauging my every move and planning his next attack!", I told her. "You just don't understand. This thing is EVIL! I'm talking straight-from-the-bowels- of-hell evil! Daddy's gotta do something! He's just GOTTA!" I exaggerated. By this time, I'm fanning myself with my hand and have since sweated off all of my makeup. I was also posting about it on Facebook, which is only caused even more people to laugh hysterically at me. Finally, the front door burst open, and in strode my knights in shining armor: my daddy and my honorary uncle... All decked-out in full police gear! And then, I was overcome by this terrorizing fear that, if they caught the skink, they would surely put it on me to pay me back for being such a dork.

Without another second's thought, I flew passed them like a bat out of hell screeching "IT'S IN THE CORNER BY THE DRUMS! IT'S IN THE CORNER BY THE DRUMS!!!" And then flung myself into the bathroom, slamming and locking the door behind me. Sister-in-Law is STILL laughing- and who could blame her?!! Once in my new sanctuary, I immediately began stuffing towels under the door, so that no one would be able to let the skink loose in the bathroom with me. And then, the only logical thing left for me to do was stand in the bathtub. I even imagined it coming up through the drain in the tub! I'd thought this all out: Even if I hopped from the top of the toilet to the bathroom counter, and then threw open the bathroom door, I wouldn't make it very far before one of them caught me and put the thing on me. Heck, once I left the safety of my bathroom, there was nowhere else to hide. The other doors either don't lock, or lead to other bedrooms that I'm not welcome in. Still on the phone, I start to hyperventilate. "AHHH! You don't understand! I'm barely hanging on to my last thread of sanity! If they don't catch this thing, that thread is gonna snap. And then it's all over for me! May as well call the looney bin. You'll have to put me away forever, if I don't die of a heart attack first!" In the background, all I could hear were the sounds of  two full-grown, ARMED police officers ransacking my bedroom while looking for a lizard. Not only did they find that little scaly piece of evil, he took them on a wild goose chase! The room was horrible-- even more so than before. They got another call and were going to have to leave. But, they swore they moved tons of stuff around and never found the stupid thing. They said they THINK it ran out the open door, and gave some detailed explanations as to why they felt that way. Well, "THINK" isn't good enough for this girl. I need VISUAL CONFIRMATION. Sadly, I won't get that visual confirmation :/ Without visual confirmation, I can only assume the little beady-eyed spawn of Satan is watching me from the depths of hell, waiting to spring on me at any given moment. I have nightmarish visions of it crawling all over my son and me during the night.*shudder* 

I'm sedating myself with a Tylenol PM tonight. I won't be able to sleep, otherwise. I'll be looking over my shoulder constantly. As it is, I've gone crazy. I'm shaking like a leaf. I keep feeling random objects touch me, and jump out of my skin... Immediately thinking "NOOOOO!!!! IT'S BAAAACK!!!"

I'll be sleeping with one eye open- IF I ever sleep at all.

Even Superwoman gets scared silly sometimes.


^^Just looking at this pic makes me cringe and want to throw up! I'll never be the same again!!^^

**Here's part of the Facebook convo:**






J.R.- !!!!!!! OH GOD

A.S.- OMFG Are you serious?!?! Get some nuts, or candy and try to trail it outside.


A.S.- Calm down, don't freak it out. Just get something to lure it out the window or door, nuts and candy work really well.

I called my dad, who is a cop. I want him to come shoot it or taze it!! But, he's off on a call or something and can't get here before he's done. WHAT IF IT EATS ME ALIVE BEFORE HE CAN GET TO ME?!?! It's, like, the size of an Anaconda!

OMG... What if we can't find it and it crawls on me during the night??? *faint*

J.R.- no no no no..... if you don't find it, you cannot sleep in that room
Me- There's a clutter of stuff in front of a door. He's IN THAT CLUTTER in front of that door!!! If only the door opened outward, instead of inward!

Call animal control hon

Yeah you might have to.... this is quite a pickle

Me-  LOL! Can I even call Animal Control over a Skink?? He's really not the size of an anaconda.

A.S.-  Yes K, you can.
 Call Animal Control they come out for just about anything.

 J.R.- Fire ball? NO, wait, never take my advice

Me-  Animal Control will laugh at me!!!
LMAO J!! I want to throw fire at it!!!

A.S.-  Sweetie, doesn't matter if they laugh or not, you can't take care of it yourself, you need some help!

Me- As soon as I stood up, IT RAN!!!!
 I tried calling my dad. He needs to send a cop over here or something. I'm thoroughly convinced nothing but firepower will stop this demonic being! And holy water!!!
 I'm trying the candy thing... I left it some Skittles!!
 I can't get a hold of my dad!!! AHHHHHHHHHH!! IT JUST MADE A NOISE!!!!!!

A.C.- Skink??

A.S. Skunk.
Bats or blunt objects work pretty well too since you can keep your distance, you just have to remain calm it is probably more scared of you than you are of it.

 Me- Ohh nooo!! This thing has evil in it's eyes! EVIL, I TELL YOU!!!!I can't get this thing's guts everywhere!!!
I called my dad. I told him to send people with guns and tasers!!

After a couple of comments and a couple of hours:

Me- OMG... Ok, so I've been away from the computer for 2 hours. In the middle of this thread, I had my dad and my uncle come in and try to hunt this thing down for me. As soon as they walked through the front door, I ran by them like a bat out of hell, SCREAMING the whereabouts of this dang skink. Then, I immediately locked myself in the bathroom and stuffed towels under the door while 2 ARMED police officers ransacked my room.They found the skink. And then proceeded in a wild good chase around the bedroom. It KILLS ME that this thing outran two fully-grown cops!! Meanwhile, I'm in hysterics in the bathroom with my sister-in-law on the phone. Because I fully believed that, while she was an hour and a half away, her voice would somehow magically protect me. I was shaking and hyperventilating, and "A" was laughing like a maniac! I couldn't blame her... I was cracking myself up! Eventually, I came out of the bathroom only to hear that the whole room was torn apart, and they only THOUGHT the skink had run out the side door. "THINK" is NOT good enough for "K". I need VISUAL CONFIRMATION!!! But, sadly, I didn't get that confirmation. :( All I got was a detailed explanation for why they thought this thing had run outside. They had another call to go on, so I was left with the clean-up. My uncle managed to call out " You are SUCH a girl!!" over his shoulder before closing the door. AHH. I shook like a leaf the entire time I was cleaning up, and had a mini heart-attack every time anything touched me... Which was always clothes or something random. I'm such a dork!! So far, I haven't seen the little beady eyed spawn of Satan... But, without visual confirmation, I can only assume he's watching me from the depths of hell, waiting to spring on me at any moment. I'm sedating myself with a Tylenol PM tonight. I won't be able to sleep,

Me- (To A.S.)
I just went over the above comments. Did you think I meant a SKUNK???

Ya, what's a Skink?????

OMG! NOOO!!! I wish it was a skunk!! Those are CUTE! A skink is a... Um... don't laugh... a LIZARD!!! A big, hissing, lizard!!!

WITH FEET!!!!!!!!!! I just googled it, I would have probably freaked too! XD

You thought I meant a SKUNK and gave me tips! So, basically, I LEFT SKITTLES OUT FOR A LIZARD!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Ok. I am about to pee. It's a lizard. A skunk I would have been scared of. They are evil. And smelly. I love you funny girl.

Oh man...K, honey, I'm so sorry, but I just laughed until I cried...there are still tears streaming down my face. I hope it's gone, honey. ♥

You're not the only ones! The entire time I was screaming my head off, I was laughing like a maniac! I'm so hoarse right now, it's insane. I don't think I'm going to have a voice tomorrow. And, in the midst of it all, all I could think was, "This is too stupid NOT to write about! So, guess what tonight's blog will be??

Annnnnd, here we are!! It was an interesting night, to say the least. The very least.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Who am I? Who are YOU?

I don't think I'm going to be able to sleep tonight until I get this out:

I'm not perfect in any way, shape, or form. In fact, I'm made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions. I try to be a good person. But, sometimes I slip up. Hey, we all do. I don't always react to certain things the the way I should. Sometimes, I say things I don't mean. And sometimes, my big mouth just gets away from me, as I tend to say whatever is on my mind. Other times, I get a little restless because I feel like I have way too much spirit to be crammed inside one body, and that can get me into a bit of trouble, too. I don't mean any harm.

If I let you into my life, I do my best to let you know how much I enjoy your presence in it. I try to be there for people. I always try to give something back... Whether it be comfort, humor, an encouraging word, a heart-to-heart talk, or if you just need someone to listen to you without judging. I love to make people laugh. I love to let people know how much they mean to me. I'd give you the shirt off my back, if you needed it. I don't let just anyone in... So, when I tell you that I love you, I mean it. When I'm there for you, it's because I genuinely want to be. So, I don't understand why there are a few people who will just NEVER see me the way I want the world to see me. The way I am. Sometimes, I feel like I bend over backward for these people, and it never seems to matter. Because the second I breathe wrong, I'm "starting crap". Sometimes the things I do seem to be noticed in the moment... And then quickly forgotten until the next moment I'm needed. Other times, I feel like some of them come to me, but don't really listen at all. I'm left stuck sitting there dumbfounded and second-guessing myself. And it really sucks when it's people in your own family. Families are supposed to love one another. Families are supposed to be there for each other, and build the other members up. And sometimes, that just doesn't happen. It really hurts when the people you love the most don't seem to "see" you or understand you. After all, they're the very people who are supposed to. I'm not saying my whole family is like that. But I definitely have a small handful of people in my life (family and otherwise) who I feel are that way towards me. And, while none of us are supposed to judge others in the first place, the ones in this handful are the last ones who should be doing so.

I don't know why I allow myself to second-guess my actions so frequently. Maybe part of me is still lacking something in the confidence area? All I know is, whatever it is, I'm working on it. The whole point of this blog is to encourage and inspire others through my trials and errors, and to give people a new hope and a new outlook, along with establishing confidence. While that confidence was meant to be established in others, sometimes I need reminding myself. There are times when we are in the wrong. During those times, we'll need to crawl inside of ourselves and do some poking around and examining to see what we can and cannot fix. But, maybe we need to stop doing that when we feel in our hearts that we're in the right, or at the very least feel that we've done nothing wrong? Maybe we need to learn to have a little faith- In ourselves, as well as each other. Believe in yourself. Trust in your ability to make wise decisions. Stop pointing fingers and judging those around you, and instead turn those fingers back at yourself. Forget what everyone else is saying and doing. Ask yourself if YOU are doing the BEST that you can do as a human being. Or are you too busy caught up in your own selfish little existence that you can't manage to see the good things around you, and the good things some of the people who care for you are trying to do?

It gets so hard chasing after others and worrying about what's going on in their head... Especially when you're worried about their thoughts on you. When I do that, I usually end up feeling like I'm doing more damage than good. People will think what they want to think. In the end, it doesn't matter how good of a person you are. People will always find some fault in you. There are always going to be people out there who don't like you, or don't understand you. Often for no apparent reason. What really matters is how you see yourself. And the fact that, regardless of how others see or don't see you, regardless of how misunderstood and unappreciated you feel, we always have our loving God who sees straight into our hearts and souls to the very core of our being. He knows us inside and out. He will never misunderstand, misuse, or second-guess us. He knows our innermost thoughts, secrets, and dreams. All of our hopes and desires. He knows exactly the people we really are. That's really all that matters. All truths will eventually be brought to light.

One day, I'm going to soar. I'm going to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Even if no one else in the world thinks I can do it, God knows I can!