Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Who am I? Who are YOU?

I don't think I'm going to be able to sleep tonight until I get this out:

I'm not perfect in any way, shape, or form. In fact, I'm made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions. I try to be a good person. But, sometimes I slip up. Hey, we all do. I don't always react to certain things the the way I should. Sometimes, I say things I don't mean. And sometimes, my big mouth just gets away from me, as I tend to say whatever is on my mind. Other times, I get a little restless because I feel like I have way too much spirit to be crammed inside one body, and that can get me into a bit of trouble, too. I don't mean any harm.

If I let you into my life, I do my best to let you know how much I enjoy your presence in it. I try to be there for people. I always try to give something back... Whether it be comfort, humor, an encouraging word, a heart-to-heart talk, or if you just need someone to listen to you without judging. I love to make people laugh. I love to let people know how much they mean to me. I'd give you the shirt off my back, if you needed it. I don't let just anyone in... So, when I tell you that I love you, I mean it. When I'm there for you, it's because I genuinely want to be. So, I don't understand why there are a few people who will just NEVER see me the way I want the world to see me. The way I am. Sometimes, I feel like I bend over backward for these people, and it never seems to matter. Because the second I breathe wrong, I'm "starting crap". Sometimes the things I do seem to be noticed in the moment... And then quickly forgotten until the next moment I'm needed. Other times, I feel like some of them come to me, but don't really listen at all. I'm left stuck sitting there dumbfounded and second-guessing myself. And it really sucks when it's people in your own family. Families are supposed to love one another. Families are supposed to be there for each other, and build the other members up. And sometimes, that just doesn't happen. It really hurts when the people you love the most don't seem to "see" you or understand you. After all, they're the very people who are supposed to. I'm not saying my whole family is like that. But I definitely have a small handful of people in my life (family and otherwise) who I feel are that way towards me. And, while none of us are supposed to judge others in the first place, the ones in this handful are the last ones who should be doing so.

I don't know why I allow myself to second-guess my actions so frequently. Maybe part of me is still lacking something in the confidence area? All I know is, whatever it is, I'm working on it. The whole point of this blog is to encourage and inspire others through my trials and errors, and to give people a new hope and a new outlook, along with establishing confidence. While that confidence was meant to be established in others, sometimes I need reminding myself. There are times when we are in the wrong. During those times, we'll need to crawl inside of ourselves and do some poking around and examining to see what we can and cannot fix. But, maybe we need to stop doing that when we feel in our hearts that we're in the right, or at the very least feel that we've done nothing wrong? Maybe we need to learn to have a little faith- In ourselves, as well as each other. Believe in yourself. Trust in your ability to make wise decisions. Stop pointing fingers and judging those around you, and instead turn those fingers back at yourself. Forget what everyone else is saying and doing. Ask yourself if YOU are doing the BEST that you can do as a human being. Or are you too busy caught up in your own selfish little existence that you can't manage to see the good things around you, and the good things some of the people who care for you are trying to do?

It gets so hard chasing after others and worrying about what's going on in their head... Especially when you're worried about their thoughts on you. When I do that, I usually end up feeling like I'm doing more damage than good. People will think what they want to think. In the end, it doesn't matter how good of a person you are. People will always find some fault in you. There are always going to be people out there who don't like you, or don't understand you. Often for no apparent reason. What really matters is how you see yourself. And the fact that, regardless of how others see or don't see you, regardless of how misunderstood and unappreciated you feel, we always have our loving God who sees straight into our hearts and souls to the very core of our being. He knows us inside and out. He will never misunderstand, misuse, or second-guess us. He knows our innermost thoughts, secrets, and dreams. All of our hopes and desires. He knows exactly the people we really are. That's really all that matters. All truths will eventually be brought to light.

One day, I'm going to soar. I'm going to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Even if no one else in the world thinks I can do it, God knows I can!



  1. Loved it as usual! I look forward to your posts! <3